Remission is an interesting term in its lexical use.

• “diminution of force or effects”, c. 1600.
• “abatement of penalty or punishment”, c. 1736

In the context of those implications and meanings, yes absolutely that’s the impression from the past two months, a surprisingly rapid two months since a second front was opened during the “Hypophysis-Infundibular War”. Well, guess what? The tumour is in remission now.

Why, or how? This is the result of a new medication regimen, a recent geographic relocation, and many iterative improvements within response/activation programming for the Locus-Coeruleus, Substantia Nigra, and various other impossibly beautifully complex brain structures which define a personality.

The simplest expression which captures the reality of this war which has been raging inside for seven continuous years, with one failed front (07'22 - 06'23)..

• Remission is a cause for and a direct result of “Hypothalamic Mediated Happiness” (HMH)
• Remission requires a cyclical, self-reinforcing, positive feedback, loop-governed state of “Feeling and experiencing Happiness at its most capacitive level” – a prolonged and elevated experiential state resulting from biochemical-messengers otherwise referred to as ‘Love’.

Overly simplified version:

• Prolonged existential unhappiness = makes tumour bigger (cyclical, each makes the other worse)
• Prolonged existential happiness = makes tumour smaller (cyclical, each makes the other better)

Surely it cannot be that simple. Of course, it is not simple but then is the endless striving for love and happiness ever a simple endeavor? Not for me, not in this lifetime. It has been the forever, the endurance, the balance, it is the physiological state of homeostasis which results in cognitive/emotive pleasure as a means to encourage positive actions which keep us alive. Love and happiness keep us going, and so without those - well what’s the point?

So then, happiness is contingent upon dopamine being in balance with the rest of the neuro/endocrine system, otherwise there can be no homeostasis, no balance, no calm or quiet, only turbulence and misery. So then, remission necessarily involves finding ways to maintain cognitive-emotional states where Dopamine is maintained in a balance. This is not a single vector achievement at all.

Maintaining Dopaminergic balance cannot be obtained solely by medication. it must be inclusive of the ways in which we navigate the world, respond to events, and the manner in which our cognitive/apparitional states fluctuate.

During those seven years, non-coincidentally the entire time of being at $corp, the conditions exacerbated tumour growth. During those seven years of providing architecture solutions for global network infrastructure, seven years of investing my cognitive functions at the expense of a simplified notion of happiness, hoping and wanting and being patient for the ship to right the storms… years ago I knew that was a hopeless endeavor. I knew that no true happiness could exist in that place after a certain time, and not only for myself. I was only one woman.. one progressively unhappy woman who could not prevent the events which unfolded for too many others. That feeling of failure never went away, and ‘survivors guilt’ is not a happy place.